My unexpected visit from Napoleun Dynamite

Quite often in my line of work pens disappear. (Okay I must interject now that I am struggling with my spelling tonight. Already I'm not sure that I am spelling two words correctly. Can you guess what they are???) Back to pens...so they go missing quite often and easily. A few months back darling Jessica was packing to return to school. I was startled when I saw her gathering a large number of pens and taking them toward what appeared to be the trash bag - sad times. Fortunately I stopped her and rescued those dear well working pens and took a majority of them to work with me. I forgot that I must have even dropped a few of them down in my computer bag. WELL, today I began an inspection at a very sweet church affliated preschool and much to my amazement could not locate a pen. I absolutely detest using a pencil at such a time so the quest for a pen in the bottom of the bag began. TADA...I found one. A nice large pen with Napoleun (how do you spell that??) Dynamite on it. I knew that was silly but I was so relieved that I progressed with the inspection - pen in hand. Now you can imagine how surprised I was when I am walking along and suddenly hear "gosh". Of course that caused me to pause in a remote area of the building and inspect this pen. What I discovered is that when you click the top of the pen (which is required to bring the ballpoint out in most pens) Napoleun speaks! I immediately told myself I needed to leave that little clicker alone because how could one take me seriously as an inspector with him talking at my side. Unfortunately that thought left me. You see I have a little thing I do - I constantly click my pen when I am walking around because I'm thinking the ink is out and I am going to mark on something. Weird I know. Okay, so when I suddenly heard the word "lard" in a phrase I was quite confident I could not make that mistake again. Well, of course I did and that time I heard something to the affect of "fricken idiot". By this time I decided I had done enough of this inspection and really needed to just end it. All inspections end with me reviewing violation notices with the director and us both signing all copies....the pen was involved again!!! To my dismay, the director needed to use my pen and actually got quite excited when she saw what it was. Thankfully I was able to stop her before she innocently "clicked" because I had no idea what may come out of the mouth of that pen.